Day 8 11:00pm - 12:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

Jack's lost. And of course, it's at the top of the hour. Someone should have been paying closer attention.

Dana/Jenny is really bad at getting rid of degenerate ex-boyfriends. "Put my key in my mailbox and leave me alone." WHAAAAA? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to just call the locksmith and get the locks changed. Duh.

Chloe is my favorite. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Chloe is my favorite. She's got the best stink-eye in the business and is lightening quick with the backhanded compliments/friendship moves. She saves Dana/Jenny and then smacks her down. It's magical. Full of magic. And wonder.

Wait--what are they going to do to Jack? Was that Russian? English? I mean, I get that it's going to be torture and unpleasant and whatnot, but sometimes, I'm terrible at interpreting the Russian accent.

Where is Soulpatch Schwartzman, anyway? Is he still with the Russian hookers? We will soon find out, I see.

How and where do the Russian torturers get all their torture wares? Do mob guys have lots of industrial batteries laying around with which they can torture people? How do they have the storage space? I've always struggled to figure out where the Christmas decorations go for 11 months of the year. Impressive.

Ah, Soulpatch Schwartzman. I've anticipated the return of his flowing locks. He's going to tear out those flowing locks when he finds out that the uranium delivery is on hold. OOOHHHH. Unless Russian mob kid got all gangsta on Soulpatch! He could have used a good pistol-whipping to shut him up though. Russian mob kid earned some serious Russian mob brownie points (Commie points?) with that move. He could have really gotten a bump if there was some pistol-whipping involved.

Poor Pruney has come unhinged for realz. She looks like she's about to go catatonic any second. And I'm 97% sure she's not going to live through the day. Girl should be on suicide watch 24/7. She's losing her marbles.

Here comes the big Dana/Jenny reveal! Unless she chickens out. I don't expect her to say, "my name isn't Dana. It's Jenny and I'm a redneck ex-con." Look at me! I'm a 24 genius!

Jack torture scenes always end with Jack torturing the torturer back. But he gets creative with is, which I appreciate.

Is this when Hassan's daughter admits her affair with the aide. Yep, there it is. Now, does that mean there's going to be one of those twisted mercy killings? Damn dude! Hassan just dismissed his daughter's boyf as a ploy to get close to him for murder purposes. Actually, he said what we were all thinking. He wants to be a MILLIONAIRE!!!

Jack blows the power to get a cell phone to the russian mob location. He's running around John McClane style. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Now Jack gets to speak to him alone and throw some torture back his way, right? Right? Oh, snap. Psychological torture in the form of offering leniency to Russian mob dude's dead son. Ouchie.

Oh, Arlo. Such a busybody. Now, noble Cole feels all icky and insecure about his girlfriend with the fake name. Re-routing government resources to spy on your tranny-looking lady is ill-advised. I shouldn't have to tell you that.

We're getting close to the top of the hour. Something's going to happen. I just know it! (heehee) I hope all the CTU peeps know it. They should all be making sure they are on their guard.

Dear CTU,
I can't stress enough the importance of background checks. Thanks.

Shocking. The uranium got burgled. Who do you think it was? Soulpatch? Russian mob kid? I bet Russian mob kid. He's put on a good show for his pops.
Russian mob kid's gone rogue. WITH Soulpatch. So much double crossing. Good times.


Damnits:
-Jack brand whisper "damnit." when the torturer's cell phone doesn't work. Bottoms up!


There's no/we don't have times:
-close, but no cigar.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Espionage. Real or fake. "You've never heard of me because I'm good at what I do." Smooth.
-Electrocuting torturers with his feet.