Cheng is back to the torture and killing. He's starting WW III and is coming for Jack. Boudreau survived the raid on the Russian embassy. Audrey is sitting at gunpoint and barely holding her shit together. Bets as to whether she'll end up catatonic again?
Ooooohhhhh, Boudreau finally states the obvious, but Jack can't handle the truth. There's no room for love in the life of a renegade outlaw. Just ask Lorenzo Lamas.
Chloe with the Dragon Tattoo is all kinds of banged up but lives to spy another day. Looks like, once again, we're getting the band back together. Anyone else love how the couple that stops for Chloe, then just leaves her on the side of the road, accepting that she's just fine even though she looks like she's gotten the shit kicked out of her? Stoic, those Brits.
"He's got Audrey pinned down by a sniper." Audrey's pinned down! DRINK!!
Kate's a clever little minx, isn't she? I swear, if she turns out to be a Nina, I'm gonna be so pissed. Lets just hope there isn't a backup sniper somewhere.
Ok, so Chloe 'taps into a satellite' to resolve her infrared issues? But it's raining! My damn DirecTV dish goes to shit when it rains. I call bullshit. Looks less like infrafed and more like Chloe is playing The Simms: Russian War Ship.
Ritter has zero control of the CIA. ZERO.
Oh, man. The Jersey Boy is going to have to break it to Heller that Audrey didn't make it after all. Kate got to break the news to Jack. Will he fall apart, or will he go Rambo and kill EVERYONE? Go Rambo, Jack! GO RAMBO!
Aaaaaand there it is. Guns? Butcher knives? He doesn't give a fuck. Jack Bauer has no fucks to give.
Imminent war is thwarted? Now, he'll samurai Cheng's head off.
"Cheng is alive and in our custody." Sort of. Pieces of him are in US custody.
Well, now who the damn hell has Chloe? The Russians? WTF?! She's always getting stolen or something. Good god, Chloe. You've been doing this spy stuff for a million years. BE MORE BADASS!
Um....anyone else find it pretty messed up that they had Audrey declared dead and in a coffin ready to board Air Force One within 15 minutes? Because that's what 24 would have us believe.
Dude--and Heller's face when he's talking about her? Creepy shit.
Jack and his sidekick Belcheck are still standing at the end of the day. And so is Chloe against all possible odds. Kate walks away from the job.
And once again, Jack is in the hands of the Russians. Setup for the next day? We can only hope.
Damnits:
None?? None for the last hour? Let's pretend there were 4. Bottoms up!
There's no/we don't have times:
We actually *didn't* have time left and still no one referenced it? Hmmm. I'm just gonna drink anyway.
Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Finding secret cell phones in drawers with a false bottom.
-Synchronized guard-take-out shots with his spy buddy.
Thanks for playing another day, folks! Let's do it again sometime.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
9:00pm - 10:00pm ::boop beep boop beep::
All of Jack's old buddies came back to play last hour. The Russians are up Jack's ass and Cheng is starting wars. Boudreau is unravelling in front of our eyes, and Audrey is getting tougher, which means that she's going to lose her shit when she hears about Cheng.
I didn't get anything in the gunfire banter between Jack and Kate. I'm waiting for them to say they're 'pinned down' too. We haven't heard that in quite some time.
And now that Cheng knows that Jack is in the area, we can expect a face to face sometime real soon.
If I had to be the actor that plays the agent that rescues Jack and Kate from the Russians, I'd be PUMPED that my only line was, "Let's lock it down." Totally worth it.
Audrey finds out about Cheng. Let the shit-losing commence.
"We were pinned down. We didn't get a visual." YES YES YES AND YES! Finish your drink. Jack confirmed what we all knew. They were pinned down! There's joy in my heart.
The jig is up. Jack knows that Boudreau sold him out to the Russians. Buh bye Boudreau.
Cheng is working with the Russians! Dios mio. Worlds collide. I blame Putin for this.
I don't know the aid's name that keeps getting people on the phone for the Prez, but he's giving me some straight up Jersey. The hair. The accent. He's my people. Fun facts: Just looked him up. His character is Ron Clark (have we ever even heard him called by name?) and the actor was once engaged to Jennifer Love Hewitt. Is there anyone that *hasn't* been engaged to Jennifer Love Hewitt? Moving on....
Audible whispers all around. Sweet nothings between Jack and Audrey. whisper whisper...Kill Cheng...whisper whisper...I don't hate you. I looooooove you. Please note: Jack did NOT out Boudreau to Audrey and tell her that her hubs is a scumbag.
Jack turns up to publicly confront Boudreau who is understandably shaking in his boots. Oooh that dude can backpedal like crazy. Too bad he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Treason! There's the word I've been waiting for.
I knew it! All those politicians wearing flag pins are gathering intelligence for Jack Bauer! Sneaky bastards.
Wait--Chloe fought her way out of a box truck with a pipe? Taking out multiple armed trained bad guy thugs? Huh. I don't think so, but whatever.
Def Con 3! Def Con 3?! (I don't know what that means, but it sounds serious.)
Still can't get enough of the Russian dude's comical goatee. It's pure magic.
Jack and Kate storm the castle while Boudreau wrestles a bear with a spectacular goatee. But the bear neck-stabbed himself with a piece of glass or something, so it wasn't much of a wrestling match and now he's dead.
Saw that coming. Audrey's contact got shot dead moments after agreeing to help her. Cheng agreed to ditch Chloe because he's going after Audrey, obviously.
There it is. Audrey is about to become Jack bait. Cheng is a nasty piece of work. Next hour should be fun.
Damnits:
-Ritter's first Damnit! Good for him. Welcome to the club. And it's good for you--DRINK!
-Great big Presidential Damnit when he drops his brain pills.
There's no/we don't have time(s):
-"I'm working as fast as I can." Gavin trying to jam the Russian security signal. It's a reach, but I just want you to drink.
Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Shooting so hard, some dude catches on FIRE.
-Knowing all sorts of covert intelligence operatives under cover as Foreign Ministers, you idiot! ...and stuff.
I didn't get anything in the gunfire banter between Jack and Kate. I'm waiting for them to say they're 'pinned down' too. We haven't heard that in quite some time.
And now that Cheng knows that Jack is in the area, we can expect a face to face sometime real soon.
If I had to be the actor that plays the agent that rescues Jack and Kate from the Russians, I'd be PUMPED that my only line was, "Let's lock it down." Totally worth it.
Audrey finds out about Cheng. Let the shit-losing commence.
"We were pinned down. We didn't get a visual." YES YES YES AND YES! Finish your drink. Jack confirmed what we all knew. They were pinned down! There's joy in my heart.
The jig is up. Jack knows that Boudreau sold him out to the Russians. Buh bye Boudreau.
Cheng is working with the Russians! Dios mio. Worlds collide. I blame Putin for this.
I don't know the aid's name that keeps getting people on the phone for the Prez, but he's giving me some straight up Jersey. The hair. The accent. He's my people. Fun facts: Just looked him up. His character is Ron Clark (have we ever even heard him called by name?) and the actor was once engaged to Jennifer Love Hewitt. Is there anyone that *hasn't* been engaged to Jennifer Love Hewitt? Moving on....
Audible whispers all around. Sweet nothings between Jack and Audrey. whisper whisper...Kill Cheng...whisper whisper...I don't hate you. I looooooove you. Please note: Jack did NOT out Boudreau to Audrey and tell her that her hubs is a scumbag.
Jack turns up to publicly confront Boudreau who is understandably shaking in his boots. Oooh that dude can backpedal like crazy. Too bad he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Treason! There's the word I've been waiting for.
I knew it! All those politicians wearing flag pins are gathering intelligence for Jack Bauer! Sneaky bastards.
Wait--Chloe fought her way out of a box truck with a pipe? Taking out multiple armed trained bad guy thugs? Huh. I don't think so, but whatever.
Def Con 3! Def Con 3?! (I don't know what that means, but it sounds serious.)
Still can't get enough of the Russian dude's comical goatee. It's pure magic.
Jack and Kate storm the castle while Boudreau wrestles a bear with a spectacular goatee. But the bear neck-stabbed himself with a piece of glass or something, so it wasn't much of a wrestling match and now he's dead.
Saw that coming. Audrey's contact got shot dead moments after agreeing to help her. Cheng agreed to ditch Chloe because he's going after Audrey, obviously.
There it is. Audrey is about to become Jack bait. Cheng is a nasty piece of work. Next hour should be fun.
Damnits:
-Ritter's first Damnit! Good for him. Welcome to the club. And it's good for you--DRINK!
-Great big Presidential Damnit when he drops his brain pills.
There's no/we don't have time(s):
-"I'm working as fast as I can." Gavin trying to jam the Russian security signal. It's a reach, but I just want you to drink.
Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Shooting so hard, some dude catches on FIRE.
-Knowing all sorts of covert intelligence operatives under cover as Foreign Ministers, you idiot! ...and stuff.
8:00pm - 9:00pm ::boop beep boop beep::
So, the Family Crazy is all toast. Navarro is escaping with the drone-controly device, Chloe is running off with Cross and we don't know what the bejeebus is going on with Kate.
Chloe with the Dragon Tattoo isn't quite the anarchist she fancies herself now that she's realizing that Cross is a evil-doer. Turns out that letting all the world's armies control each other's weaponry.
Well now, don't shoot at the kegs! That's just a waste of good beer. We'll need that for the drinking game.
Chase, chase, chase......
And then of course, Navarro gets hung out to dry. Moral of the story--never trust the faceless name over the phone that says he's going to help you escape Jack Bauer. NO ONE CAN ESCAPE JACK BAUER.
Chase, chase, chase.......
Chloe is going to foil this plan, right? Right.
Ritter is taking over the CIA (I can never remember his name. He's gonna have to step it up to be memorable, or warrant awarding him a nickname.)
Kate's husband is exonerated! Punch him in the face! Punch him in the face! Wow. Navarro is a bigger scumbag than I thought. YES! Enhanced interrogation. It's my favorite. And of course, Jack's version is even better.
More usurping of authority. Who runs this bitch? Jack. Bauer. And don't you forget it.
Oh, Ritter. You silly goose. You'll never get anywhere without allowing a little light torture to catch the bad guys.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love how Boudreau and Audrey act like they've been feuding for months and there's 'distance' between them now that Jack is back in the picture. Let's all take a minute to realize that she found out about Jack A FEW HOURS AGO. Well, that escalated quickly. And the outcome for Boudreau? Treason. Smart.
Chloe is getting a conscience. You can see it happening. But she sucks at escaping. She's the worst badass ever.
Kate, on the other hand. She's earning her badass status over and over again. She's been taking notes from Jack. I'm so proud.
Boudreau, you dumb bastard. In his quest to rid himself of Jack, he's sold him out to the Russians and they're going to ruin everything. Good work, dummy.
Whaaaaaaa? Who killed everyone? Oh shit. Cheng. Once they capture him, they should give him to Audrey to dispose of.
Boudreau is getting increasingly dumber as the day goes on.
Oh, lordy. Adrian Cross has been manipulating Chloe all along. She went all Dragon Tattoo for nothing! And she dated a bad guy as a result.
Cue the Russians. Boudreau is a dumb fuck.
Cue WWIII. Cheng is a dick.
Damnits:
None? An hour like this, I feel like we should have had a few peppered in. What did you hear?
There's no/we don't have any times(s):
-"We need to move immediately. We don't know how long Adrian Cross is gonna stay put." Jack to Ritter
Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-ENHANCED enhanced interrogation. And not needing biometrics.
Chloe with the Dragon Tattoo isn't quite the anarchist she fancies herself now that she's realizing that Cross is a evil-doer. Turns out that letting all the world's armies control each other's weaponry.
Well now, don't shoot at the kegs! That's just a waste of good beer. We'll need that for the drinking game.
Chase, chase, chase......
And then of course, Navarro gets hung out to dry. Moral of the story--never trust the faceless name over the phone that says he's going to help you escape Jack Bauer. NO ONE CAN ESCAPE JACK BAUER.
Chase, chase, chase.......
Chloe is going to foil this plan, right? Right.
Ritter is taking over the CIA (I can never remember his name. He's gonna have to step it up to be memorable, or warrant awarding him a nickname.)
Kate's husband is exonerated! Punch him in the face! Punch him in the face! Wow. Navarro is a bigger scumbag than I thought. YES! Enhanced interrogation. It's my favorite. And of course, Jack's version is even better.
More usurping of authority. Who runs this bitch? Jack. Bauer. And don't you forget it.
Oh, Ritter. You silly goose. You'll never get anywhere without allowing a little light torture to catch the bad guys.
Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. I love how Boudreau and Audrey act like they've been feuding for months and there's 'distance' between them now that Jack is back in the picture. Let's all take a minute to realize that she found out about Jack A FEW HOURS AGO. Well, that escalated quickly. And the outcome for Boudreau? Treason. Smart.
Chloe is getting a conscience. You can see it happening. But she sucks at escaping. She's the worst badass ever.
Kate, on the other hand. She's earning her badass status over and over again. She's been taking notes from Jack. I'm so proud.
Boudreau, you dumb bastard. In his quest to rid himself of Jack, he's sold him out to the Russians and they're going to ruin everything. Good work, dummy.
Whaaaaaaa? Who killed everyone? Oh shit. Cheng. Once they capture him, they should give him to Audrey to dispose of.
Boudreau is getting increasingly dumber as the day goes on.
Oh, lordy. Adrian Cross has been manipulating Chloe all along. She went all Dragon Tattoo for nothing! And she dated a bad guy as a result.
Cue the Russians. Boudreau is a dumb fuck.
Cue WWIII. Cheng is a dick.
Damnits:
None? An hour like this, I feel like we should have had a few peppered in. What did you hear?
There's no/we don't have any times(s):
-"We need to move immediately. We don't know how long Adrian Cross is gonna stay put." Jack to Ritter
Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-ENHANCED enhanced interrogation. And not needing biometrics.
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