Day 8 12:00am - 1:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

Setting aside my Olympic fever for some 24 time. I've been crazy into the Olympics, so I'm hoping that 24 makes my Olympic hiatus worth my while.

Family betrayal is the name of the game this season. Russian mob son and Soulpatch Schwartzman are in cahoots now. And, now Russian mob Pops is in the same store room where he shot his own kid. Jinkies!

and now, SNIPERS! Soulpatch can't be trusted. Shocking, but still needs to be said.

Power struggles are fun. They always resort in scapegoating, which is good times for all. Pruney's gonna get the book thrown at her even though she was totally justified in the killing of rapist-dude. He was seriously hatable, so I applaud her.

Dana/Jenny is nothing but trouble. She's quite the distraction to all of these CTU dudes. Ortiz should go back to his wife, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And Arlo should just admit that he's in love with Chloe and then we could have a Morris/Chloe/Arlo love triangle.

So, Soulpatch Schwartzman is a pawn in the nefarious plot of more evil dudes. Duh. Did you not see that coming? He's too little and frail and way too into his pageboy haircut. PS--He's totally not going to live through the day.

Oh dear. Pruney is going to snap. Jack is probably going to come in any moment and save the day. Look at that. Here he is. Jack knows what "Justice Dept" means. And he's judo-chopping everyone! It would have been really cool if Jack had said, "Don't tase me, bro." It would have provided some much-needed comic relief. Of course, I want to hear that every time someone gets tased, so I guess I'm easy like that.

Here we go. Dana/Jenny's not-so-interesting backstory. This hubbub with her and Ortiz totally blew her cover when his giant SUV came screaming over the hill. So, the dude who went to take a leak in the woods is going to get the jump on them.

They put Jack in charge of the team in 3....2.......

Backstabbing and Frontstabbing and shootouts, OH MY!
I hope Ortiz is looking at Dana/Jenny saying, "Yeah, you're totally not worth all this. Later, homes."

BARF. Jack can't end up with Pruney. It's not ok. BAAAAAAARF. I'm going to be barfing all over the place next week according to the previews. Until then, I'll soothe my gag reflex by going back to the Olympic splendor. Although, if my Wii is any indication, I could rock the gold in ski jumping. I rule. U-S-A! U-S-A!!!!

Damnits:
-Um, I think none? I'm really sober, so I think none.

There's no/we don't have times:
-Also none? Again, very sober.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Judo-chopping everyone.
-Saving Pruney. Over and over and over and over........

Day 8 11:00pm - 12:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

Jack's lost. And of course, it's at the top of the hour. Someone should have been paying closer attention.

Dana/Jenny is really bad at getting rid of degenerate ex-boyfriends. "Put my key in my mailbox and leave me alone." WHAAAAA? I'm pretty sure you're supposed to just call the locksmith and get the locks changed. Duh.

Chloe is my favorite. I've said it before and I'll say it again. Chloe is my favorite. She's got the best stink-eye in the business and is lightening quick with the backhanded compliments/friendship moves. She saves Dana/Jenny and then smacks her down. It's magical. Full of magic. And wonder.

Wait--what are they going to do to Jack? Was that Russian? English? I mean, I get that it's going to be torture and unpleasant and whatnot, but sometimes, I'm terrible at interpreting the Russian accent.

Where is Soulpatch Schwartzman, anyway? Is he still with the Russian hookers? We will soon find out, I see.

How and where do the Russian torturers get all their torture wares? Do mob guys have lots of industrial batteries laying around with which they can torture people? How do they have the storage space? I've always struggled to figure out where the Christmas decorations go for 11 months of the year. Impressive.

Ah, Soulpatch Schwartzman. I've anticipated the return of his flowing locks. He's going to tear out those flowing locks when he finds out that the uranium delivery is on hold. OOOHHHH. Unless Russian mob kid got all gangsta on Soulpatch! He could have used a good pistol-whipping to shut him up though. Russian mob kid earned some serious Russian mob brownie points (Commie points?) with that move. He could have really gotten a bump if there was some pistol-whipping involved.

Poor Pruney has come unhinged for realz. She looks like she's about to go catatonic any second. And I'm 97% sure she's not going to live through the day. Girl should be on suicide watch 24/7. She's losing her marbles.

Here comes the big Dana/Jenny reveal! Unless she chickens out. I don't expect her to say, "my name isn't Dana. It's Jenny and I'm a redneck ex-con." Look at me! I'm a 24 genius!

Jack torture scenes always end with Jack torturing the torturer back. But he gets creative with is, which I appreciate.

Is this when Hassan's daughter admits her affair with the aide. Yep, there it is. Now, does that mean there's going to be one of those twisted mercy killings? Damn dude! Hassan just dismissed his daughter's boyf as a ploy to get close to him for murder purposes. Actually, he said what we were all thinking. He wants to be a MILLIONAIRE!!!

Jack blows the power to get a cell phone to the russian mob location. He's running around John McClane style. Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!
Now Jack gets to speak to him alone and throw some torture back his way, right? Right? Oh, snap. Psychological torture in the form of offering leniency to Russian mob dude's dead son. Ouchie.

Oh, Arlo. Such a busybody. Now, noble Cole feels all icky and insecure about his girlfriend with the fake name. Re-routing government resources to spy on your tranny-looking lady is ill-advised. I shouldn't have to tell you that.

We're getting close to the top of the hour. Something's going to happen. I just know it! (heehee) I hope all the CTU peeps know it. They should all be making sure they are on their guard.

Dear CTU,
I can't stress enough the importance of background checks. Thanks.

Shocking. The uranium got burgled. Who do you think it was? Soulpatch? Russian mob kid? I bet Russian mob kid. He's put on a good show for his pops.
Russian mob kid's gone rogue. WITH Soulpatch. So much double crossing. Good times.


Damnits:
-Jack brand whisper "damnit." when the torturer's cell phone doesn't work. Bottoms up!


There's no/we don't have times:
-close, but no cigar.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Espionage. Real or fake. "You've never heard of me because I'm good at what I do." Smooth.
-Electrocuting torturers with his feet.

Day 8 10:00pm - 11:00pm ::boop beep boop beep::

I know Dana/Jenny makes all the little fanboys tingle from her Battlestar Galactica days, but I get a very post-op tranny vibe from her. I know that's blasphemy to a lot of nerds out there, but I can't be the only one that thinks that. Right??

Uh oh. The dumb hicks are getting greedy. You know what that means! ......trouble...or something....I'm not sure.

We're going to have to change Pruney's name to Stabby if that Vladimir dude doesn't stop with his Sleeping With The Ememy routine. She's definitely going to remove his bits and pieces before the day is out.

Damn, dude. These Russians are a twisted bunch. "I want to leave you and your family a wealthy inheritance." What he REALLY said, "now that your brother is out of the way, you get twice as much! So, you know--congratulations!"

Hassan is taking a page out of Jack's playbook and I applaud the return of random acts of torture back to 24. Although, I suppose Pruney Renee did then when she chopped off the floor-sweep's thumb. Hassan is carrying on the random acts of torture and I thank him for taking it old school for the people.

Can we wrap up this Dana/Jenny fuckery now? Where are we going with this? Not that 24 hasn't always been about random plot lines and acts of violence, but I certainly would like them to move this one along. It's putting so much focus on Dana/Jenny and not enough on Chloe's stink-eye.

Pause for Fox News plug.

Pause for Snap-On product placement.

Hahahahahahahaha. "Just because I like your face doesn't mean I have to put up with your crap!" Anyone care to take bets on how many people I say that to tomorrow? Over under?

OH SNAP! What did I tell you about stabby Renee???!!! She's even got Jack in on the stabbing. You know.....after she stabbed him. But of course, he doesn't need much encouragement. Think he'll tell her it's "just a flesh wound"and keep going? There are still a LOT of hours in the day. I really should research how many times Jack has been shot, stabbed burned, etc on this series. I'm certain that information already exists somewhere.

WHAT? "Bring Laitanan's body back for autopsy. I want to know what happened." What do you mean?? Renee stabbed the ever-loving shit out of him. You need a full workup to figure that out? Time-waster.

Now jack is signing up for torture? WTF? That just seems silly. After today, I feel strongly that Jack should look into therapy or some sort of support group for masochists.

It's also nice to see that 24 is still sticking to stereotypes with Hillbilly #1 and Hillbilly #2 drinking grain alcohol out of a paper bag while driving. Good one.

So, next week, we can look forward to Pruney getting blamed for killing her rapist. I think we all know I'm not a Renee fan, but stabbing the shit out of your rapist/abuser gets you a high five and not a reprimand, in my book. So there.
Also next week, Dana/Jenny comes clean to Freddy Prinze about her hillbilly past. Maybe we can move that plot line along a bit.
Bottoms up!

Damnits:
-"Damnit! It's locked!" Kevin (a.k.a Hillbilly #1)
-"Damnit, they really must have been moving. CTU's here already." Jack-style. DRINK, mofos.

There's no/we don't have times:
-"We're running out of time." Vladimir, the Russian mob rapist

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Strategic removal and replacement of disguise glasses.
-Shooting baddies through walls.

Last we left, the peace accord was not at all peaceful and Soulpatch Schwartzman was hanging with some Russian hookers while the Russian brothers stole a doctor. Pruney was as crazy as ever and chillin with the Russian mob.

Ah, Jackie. He tries to save our little lost soul Pruney and what does he say is the alternative? Torture! Hooray! Jack is very smooth at torture. Too bad he's not allowed anymore.

Dana/Jenny is unraveling fast. And doesn't CTU have any sort of sexual harassment policy? This Arlo dude doesn't know when to quit.

Really Dr? You had to ask how he was exposed to that amount of Uranium? You can't GUESS how? You can't make an assumption when the guys with the guns threatening your family are making you treat him? Duh.

Eew. Russian dude is a creepster.

Hassan is losing his marbles. He clearly doesn't want ANYONE to be a MILLIONAIRE!!

Dana/Jenny is annoying as hell. Does she really think the guys in the mystery mobile are going to leave her alone after that? She's now proving that she has skillllllz can get them lots and lots of dough.

This week is chock full of one-liners for me.

Chloe rules. As usual. Her face while she tells off Arlo is spectacular. She gives the stink-eye like nobody's business.

Aaand Renee goes dark. I fully expect Pruney to smash the Russian mob rapist. That should happen.

Hassan is having people arrested left and right and does he know that his little girl is hookin' up with his advisor dude?

Oh no. Russian mob dad is having his sons hunted? Is he not cool with trying to save his boy from weapons grade Uranium poisoning? Poor kidnapped Doc and his unsuspecting nurse. got all dead now. And why do I think that son #1 is going somehow uranium poison his dad. They did say radiation is transfered through bodily fluids. Maybe a syringe full of uranium blood?

Renee is a freakish close-talker. It makes me uncomfortable.

Thank goodness Freddie Prinze was there to save the day. His sniper skills are impeccable.

Daaaaaaaamn. Russian mob dad is cold blooded. I think son #1 is going to take him out for sure before the day is over.

Damnits:
I guess no one was frustrated or tried to find an alternative for the F-bomb.

There's no/we don't have times:
Apparently, we have all the time in the world.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Pruney saving.