3:00am - 4:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

Jack doesn't care that his vocal chords are in spasm. His audible doesn't need vocal chords.

UGH!! I can't take Pruney anymore! Her acting is getting worse and worse as the day goes on. I think her muscles are the ones in spasm. And you know of everyone, SHE's the one who is going to live through the day and be in next season Damn you, 24!!!

Is anyone surprised that Tony's man is a double-crosser? No? Me neither.

Madam President is pissed with everyone and she can't wait to be done with this day. She's like when your parents say "I'm not angry. I'm just very disappointed in you." For serious...she gets to be disappointed mom for her crappy daughter, too.

Fucking hell, Tony. When will you learn? Don't shit where you eat!!!

I'm digging the top secret spy Skype they've got going on. Shall we call it Spype? Get it? GET IT? ok, fine. I'm lame. Shut up.

HA! Did Tony take the shower curtain off of the guy he suffocated in order to take a shower? Or did he just say, "You know what? No shower curtain for me. I'm Tony Almeida, bitch!" Cold blooded.

Classic JB line: "Relax, Mr. Hodges. You're already dead." From the shadows. Nice.

Woah woah woah. Jack came in and Hodges asked who he was, but then says, he watched the Senate hearings and that what was done to Jacky boy was a travesty. Are they going to tell us that Waxy Hodges is losing his marbles? I know that he's made of wax and everything, but come on. Continuity, por favor!

OH SNAP! Guess who's going back to CTU!!! And guess who's rocking the servers! Hellz yeah. It's Chloe O'B! PLEASE let there be a Chloe PSA this episode. They make my heart sing.

Oh, sweet heavens. Jack telling Chloe about Tony. "Chloe, he tried to kill me." I would love to add, "about 45 mins ago." Seriously, Jack is made of steel.

I thought they guy they were going to frame was involved. I didn't know they were going to frame some random dude. Again, I say--cold blooded!

Um...is the Prez's daughter trying to use my sweet Aaron Pierce for evil? She is a sneaky ass ho and I don't like it one bit. She A)sucks at classified stuff and B) has no business even being around Agent Pierce, our shiny white light of hope and goodness.

Garofs/Chloe dream team is superb. Ane THEN the 1-2 punch of his going off on Garofs. I mean, sure he was all confused and twitchy, but still. Sometimes our guy has to be heavy-handed. Its tough love, Bauer style. Do you feel loved?

Damnits:
-Where are all the damn damits!!!! Not even one in Jack's rant? Awful.

There's no/we don't have times:
-"Janis, do this or I will find someone who will. I do not have time to argue." Pruney getting all hard-ass.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Talking when his vocal chords are in spasm. Obviously.

2:00am - 3:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

Is this the episode where we find out that the conspiracy goes up even higher. Will the President find out that SHE is actually the terrorist? Yeah. The conspiracy goes all the way up to her.

OOH! I'm liking this attorney-nabbing. Everyone loves a good doppleganger. Also, those same people like to say doppleganger. Those people are me.

What is Tony's partner from? I recognize him, but can't place him. WTF??? Is he just "that guy"?? Dude, I don't like what they've done with Tony. He's not allowed to be a baddie. I suppose we'll just have to wait for the 400 other twists & turns to find out if he's a bad guy for real or for fake.

I know Pruney is all bent about L-Mo getting dead since they used to do the nasty together and all, but it has to be noted that Kim Bauer is looking beat. Even Pruney von Crypt Keeper can't make her look so good. Yeah, that's right. I said it. Kim Bauer is looking b-e-a-t.

Intrigue and S.W.A.T. teams and canisters, OH MY!

I love that they made the doppleganger kinda porn-starish. You know, just in case she had to charm her way in or something. Its very important to make sure that Waxy Voight gets his heart-attack-inducer, so I guess hedging their bets was the way to go.

Oh, Pruny. Don't fight your feelings. It's ok to be relieved that L-Mo is dead, thus leaving a free path to our boy Jack. And never, fear dear readers. I'm sure Jack will figure out that someone helped L-Mo into the light. Don't fear the reaper, L-Mo!!! Tony, you're going to be found out.

NOOOOOOO. Who is brokedown Kim's new boyfriend??? What happened to Ponyboy Curtis? This is the biggest disappointment of the season thus far. And I see rings. Which OBVIOUSLY means that this new guy is her babydaddy. Legit-style. The audio is cutting out on my dvr for some reason, but i do know that she's got a girlbaby named Terry, huh? Oh, the references to Jack's one and only true love. (sorry Audrey) Gotta love season 1 nostalgia.

Uh oh. Did Pruney go boom? Jack is gonna have a bad case of the sads if she got blow'd up.

eh. crap. She lives to Prune another day. .....or hour.....or whatever.


I smell a Jack/Tony showdown. too bad Jack's got the shakes. This won't be awesome unless there's some sort of choreographed number--preferably a dance-fight a'la Michael Jackson's Bad video.

In conclusion, Tony's PSA is lame-ass compared to the splendor that is Chloe's little slice of heaven last week.. She made me want to go out and fight global warming by her sheer awesomeness. It's not Tony's fault. You can't follow Chloe. You just can't.

Damnits:
-uh...none? what did YOU find?

There's no/We don't have times:
-"That doesn't give me much time." "No, it doesn't. Maybe you should get off the phone and get to it." -'that guy' talking to evil Tony

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Helicopter grief therapy. aka"Heliapy" yeah, I made it up. But JB is pretty smooth at it.

1:00am - 2:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

I love how the President is like your mom. She's not having your lip.

Renee is starting to look increasingly like the Crypt Keeper. This day has not been kind to our girl. You see it too, right?


Exfiltrated?? That's a brand new one. The opposite of infiltrated, huh? I like it a lot.

So, the Prez basically gave Jack the green light to do whatever the eff he wanted, huh. That should equal fun for us. I hope.

Jack, Tony, Pruney and L-Mo are all joining forces now. We need Chloe and the ghost of Bill Buchanan to complete the circle.

Judo chop! When Tony comes back from the dead, he comes back which a vengeance. And with a few tricks up his sleeve, too. Think he will get killed again this season? I really wish I could find that original email that started this blog fuckery. You old heads remember the one, right?? Where the Wayne Palmer's BMW was getting out run by a bunch of econoline vans and Tony Almeida (supposedly) died like a punk? Horrid.

uh...Waxy Voight is a business man now? His plan to go legit is to hold the US hostage? "Lets move past this." What a psycho. This really is a variation on the plot of The Rock, isn't it? I'd love it if Connery rolled through just to say "Welcome to the Rock."

Why would Tony shove his arm down through the grate without even tryng to lift it first. Those things don't look like they're securely held in there. He could have shaved off a few seconds before blowing the place sky high. Of course if this is Tony's big finish, at least they would have had him go out like a badass.

Did anyone else want to see the Prez kick Voight right in the nuts? Seriously--he needed a shot to the ball-eenz.

The Prez is totally your mom. She's so mom-ish. She's all concerned and stuff about Jack. I think she wants to make him chicken soup. Oh, man. Mom's homemade chicken soup is the best. Good job, Mom! Maybe your soup can save Jack Bauer.

Kim is there to see Jack and save the day. Or is she trying to get to Jack to make him feel like a turd pie? I suppose we shall see.

I bet she's got a kid or something doesn't she? Jack Bauer a grandpa?? Nah. We can't have that. There's already 1 grandpa bauer and he's off globetrotting with Boy Kim.

Oh geez! The one dude who snuck off was the bad guy! he's new. I recognized him from something, which obviously means that he was a character for realz. Who does he work for? Who does he work for????

Oh, Tony. You done us dirty again. And took out poor L-Mo in the process. You break my heart, Tony. What will Jack say?

OH. MY. GOD. Chloe's PSA is pretty much the best thing I've ever seen. EVER. EHVAR. I watched it about 4 times and it was the best thing in the whole wide world. Truly made this episode end on a high note. Magical.

Damnits:
uh....none? no drinking for you. that's sad.

There's no/We don't have times:
-"Suspect's on foot. We can't wait for backup. We're moving in right now." Count it.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Being heartfelt

12:00am - 1:00am ::boop beep boop beep::

"The FBI is pinned down" !!!!!!! Dougie Knowles, Chairman of the Starkwood board. MT, that one's for you. I know how you love "pinned down." Happy Opening Day!
I'm pretty sure Doug Knowles isn't going to live through the rest of the 24 hours, though.

Looks like our boy Jack has the shakes like a bad hangover. And the Prez wants to send him into the field. It's a good thing that's what Jack wants. Jack Bauer always gets what he wants.

Well, it was only a matter of time until the First Daughter's sneaky ways came out. She's gonna go slut it up to try to keep her reporter friend quiet. Anyone surprised? Me neither.

Uh oh. I don't know if Jack is going to be able to identify the canisters. He's sickly, you know. You can tell by the buggy eyes and purplish complexion. You know who he looks kind of like--John Voight. Because seriously, that dude looks more and more like a wax figure every day.

Little Livvy is going to get herself done in. She's really the worst at keeping national secrets. Also, she's kind of a whore.

OH SNAP! Jack has to get stem cells from Kim if he wants to live?? Don't they know that he's also got a son. His name is boy Kim. They should see if boy Kim can give him some stem cells. Isn't he still hanging with Papa Bauer? Maybe they can all give him stem cells together.

Pause for Sprint product placement.

Jona Voight's speech is suspiciously reminiscent of The Rock. Of course, the whole smashing the dude with a crystal decanter and then throwing him over a railing seems pretty excessive.

Poor Aaron Pierce! He has to hang outside the door while Livvy gets all freaky with reporter dude? Aaron Pierce is better than that. He doesn't need to do the ho stroll back to the White House with her skank ass. Do not bring Aaron Pierce into your trampy double blackmail schemes. He's better than that. He got shot today. Let the man go home and have a scotch and a Tylenol and leave him out of this fuckery.



Damnits:
-Whisper damnit by 1 Tony Almeida when Dougie Knowles sacrifices himself to let Tony get the last 2 numbers.
-"DAMNIT Admiral! Abort the air strike immediately!" Prez.

There's no/we don't have times:
"I know there's no time to bring in more tac support (that's tactical support, for the layperson) so gimme something else!" L-Mo leading the catch phrases.

Things at which Jack Bauer is smooth:
-Identifying canisters while dying of the bio-weapon sicks.